With no idea how to write a book, somehow, I wrote one. Naturally, it needed work. Lots of work. Then I discovered the challenges of writing dialog. What to say without sounding forced? Or lame? Or ridiculously boring? How could I make it move the story along instead of just filling blank pages? And dialog tags—“He said, she said,” were good enough for me. My focus was writing an engaging story.
At one point, someone gave me a long list of dialog tag options that went way beyond said or asked. I’d never seen such a list. What fun! If such a list existed, it must be acceptable to use them, right? I dove into my manuscript. While I didn’t change all of the “boring” he said, she saids, I added words that I thought were more colorful, vibrant, interesting. Feeling confident, I believed that my writing had finally come alive, and I began the quest for a literary agent.
My wake-up call came a few months later, when an agent chastised me for using “bellowed” instead of “said.” Stunned, I thought: What’s wrong with using bellowed? It fit the character and the scene. Her comment said if written correctly, I didn’t need rely on verbs to replace said. She said they were annoying and amateur. Yikes! Determined to understand what I’d done wrong, I researched the basics behind writing good dialog. An eye-opening, if not embarrassing, education.
If you are new to writing dialog, or find it challenging, what I learned after getting my hand slapped might be of value.
Here’s the deal:
Good dialog can do miraculous things for your story. Aside from helping readers get to know the characters and how they interact, it’s a great way to move the story along without long passages of narration. With good dialog, you can share backstory, avoiding the dreaded “info dump,” explaining relationships, conflicts, past history, etc. A conversation between your protagonist (or you) and other characters, or between two characters about your protagonist (or you), are also great ways to divulge important information a bit at a time.
Those are efficient ways to use dialog. But even more important is dialog structure. There are a number of nuances that can make your conversations between characters great, or send them into the proverbial trash can. What are the no-nos I learned?
Straying from conventional dialog tags.
Pointed out, informed, chastised, mentioned, breathed, repeated, echoed, declared, hissed, snarled, and even worse, grinned…all scream lazy, ignorant, or amateur writing. Why? It takes creative writing to accomplish the same thing. Remember "show not tell?" Dialog is where you can shine. Think about this: Said and asked are invisible to the reader. The above mentioned words stand out, and not in a good way. Don’t treat the reader like they are stupid. Show them action.
“I’ll have you know that Irene didn’t have a clue what she was doing,” Cathy informed Iris.
Does your reader really need you to tell them that Cathy is informing Iris? No, it is self-explanatory.
“I think you are completely wrong about that!” announced Fred.
Does your reader really need you to tell them that Fred is announcing? No. The exclamation point gives the clue.
This one, from a best-selling author just stunned me:
"I'm concerned about the situation," she worried.
What the heck is that?
Granted, sometimes yelled, cried out, or whispered, are
totally appropriate. The key is to use these sparingly, though. This isn’t a
case of too much of a good thing, it’s a case of a not good thing that is used
too much. It’s also important that you avoid using 'said' too often.
“I don’t care!” said Sheila.
“That’s obvious,” said George.
“How dare you!” said Sheila.
“Give it a rest.” said George.
Line after line of he said, she said, he said, she said, will drive your reader crazy.
There are far better ways to deal with back and forth exchanges—one excellent way is to use action beats, which means you can skip the tag altogether. For example:
Sheila swirled around the room like a tornado, anger building with each revolution. “I don’t care!”
George leaned against the sofa, taking a nonchalant puff off his cigar. “That’s obvious.”
Sheila’s pacing abruptly stopped. She stared at George, her eyes fiery. “How dare you!”
With a deep sigh, George crossed his arms and frowned at her. “Give it a rest.”
Notice how not one he said or she said is used here. That’s because they are not necessary. We know who is talking by the proceeding or subsequent action.
Relying on adverbs.
Sometimes writers feel the need to adding adverbs. However, adverbs can weaken your writing.
“Oh my, you’re so funny,” Sheila said laughingly.
The following examples are far better:
“Oh my, you’re so funny,” Sheila said, laughing.
Sheila laughed. “Oh my, you’re so funny.”
“Oh my, you’re so funny,” Sheila said. She laughed.
This indicates that Sheila is laughing after she spoke, rather than while she’s speaking. Can you laugh while you are speaking? Probably not.
“I had no idea!” Sheila said with surprise.
This is a weak tag, even without an adverb. It’s far better to show through action how Sheila is surprised…show us!
Making dialog sound too formal.
Pay more attention to how people talk, either in
person on TV. Maybe you have something written like this:
“I think we need to discuss our son raiding the kitchen late last night,” George said.
Sheila set down her book to look at him. “I thought we were going to paint the kitchen this weekend.”
“You are changing the subject.”
Sheila’s face registered confusion. “Why would you say I am changing the subject?”
People rarely use full sentences, and when asked a question, they don’t answer it! They also use contractions more often than not. This conversation is probably more realistic:
“Let’s discuss our son’s kitchen raid late last night,” George said.
Sheila set down her book to look at him. “Weren’t we going to paint the kitchen this weekend?”
“You’re changing the subject.”
Sheila’s face registered confusion. “What?”
Trying something unconventional.
A new and annoying trend to avoid (unless you are famous): Not using quotation marks. This is completely my personal opinion, but there are a few truly wonderful authors out there who have decided to be different and not use quotation marks. I just don’t get why. Quotes help the reader to keep track of who is talking. Without them, it’s easier to get lost. Why do these authors avoid conventional dialog punctuation? Maybe to be different; maybe to set a mood. If you are a new author, it’s best to stick with what works.
Mastering dialog isn’t rocket science. Once you get the hang of it, you will discover how it can make your story better. And it’s all about a better story, right?
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